 |
6 months ago I became a mom to a beautiful, happy and loving baby boy. His presence in our home has brought so much joy, laughter and peace. In the last 6 months, Rory has taught me so much about myself, my husband, what it truly means to be human and what to value in life.
I'm currently at home, where I have spent the majority of the last 6 months. It is now, more than ever our safe haven. As I debated sharing Rory's birth story because of the vulnerability attached to such a special and private memory. I found my heart aching for those mamas out there trying to stay calm, positive and safe in our current pandemic. Remembering that 6 months ago I was in similar shoes. Bringing a baby into this world is already uncertain and scary and I can't imagine the struggle a lot of you might be going through.
Before I had Rory, I read and watched several birth stories. It calmed me down while somewhat preparing for what might happen. So much of my pregnancy came with trails and uncertainty that I figured I wanted to mentally prepare for everything that might occur.
It has led me to open up to share my experience. Before I start, I want you to know that every story is different and special and this is mine. When everything could have gone wrong, it didn't.
|
 |
... I was having my very last baby check-up when my OB highly suggested I be induced within the week. I wasn't in favor of being induced and anytime she suggested the idea in the past I brushed it off because I wanted to go through all the symptoms of labor naturally. However, I was going into my 40 weeks and my OB (who I REALLY, wanted to deliver my baby) wasn't going to be available into the following weekend. It was crunch time. So, before we left the office, we set a date (Thursday-September 19, 2019) to be induced with high hopes I would go into labor naturally before then.
The week felt long and uncertain. I remember my stomach being in knots from nerves. I had a date with destiny and continual excitement and fear. I tried to naturally induce with all the usual suggestions but of course nothing worked. Thursday or D-DAY as I thought of it, came. Chase made all the arrangements at work to start his leave that Thursday and before heading home he picked us up a big dinner from my favorite local taco shop to enjoy before going to the hospital. They always suggest eating before hand because once you are there, they won't be able to eat per Doctors orders (Food will play a big part of my delivery so remember this). Before Chase made it home, I received a call from the hospital letting me know that there were no beds available for me at the time set for me. They would let me know. I had a feeling this would happen since it is pretty common.
After the phone call, I battled with myself of what I should do. Was this a small sign I should wait to go into labor naturally? Chase came home, we ate dinner, the bags were packed, the house was clean and we were ready to head out the door. But by 8:00pm we still hadn't heard anything form the hospital. I called.. and called again. I'm sure I was annoying to the nurse on duty but I felt such uncertainty and I wanted to know if I was going to be given a bed that day. We went to bed but of course, I couldn't sleep with anticipation and at midnight the hospital called to let us we could go in. We looked at each other, got ready so quickly and by 1:00am we were the hospital ready to start our new life.
I didn't realize the exhaustion and hunger I was going to feel in the hours to come.
Once we checked in, I gave my nurses my birth plan, we called my parents and the rest of our family to let them know. We were exhausted and little did we know what a long day it was going to be.
After we were all settled in, I had my cervix checked and I was surprised to find out I was dilated 2CM already. I was hooked up to the monitor and found out I was having contractions. The nurse on duty kept asking me if I was feeling anything but I wasn't. Around 3am or 5am (I can't recall) I was given Pitocin to speed up the labor. I remember being nervous, people had told me that once they received Pitocin, their contractions and pain increased drastically. However, I still wasn't feeling any contractions and if I was, they were extremely mild. The nurses also informed me the baby might be smaller than expected. Something that my Doctor never informed me of. I tried to not think of it because there was nothing I could do in the moment. All I knew was that my baby was fine and in that moment, I had one job.
|
 |
My parents made it to the hospital and later in the morning my OBGYN came to check on me. I was so surprised because from others experiences, I heard the doctor doesn't come into the last minute to deliver the baby. I was so happy to see her. I love my OBGYN, she is so calming and brilliant and I knew I was in great hands.
|
 |
By 10AM my OB had to break my water to get things moving along. When she did, they found stool from the baby. She informed me that the baby might have ate feces and told me to not be frightened if I didn't hear his cry when she delivered him.
Up until this point I was so calm. The day was going so smooth, I wasn't in any pain and I was moving along my contractions and dilating with great timing. But THIS. THIS scared me. What does she mean my baby won't cry or make a sound? My eyes instantly filled with tears because by this time, I was exhausted and hungry and one sign of bad news could really take a turn for the worse. I tried to hold it in until the doctor left. I looked at Chase who seemed shaken up by the news as well. Without hesitation, him and my dad gave me a blessing.
To be honest, I don't know a single word he said but I remember feeling so much peace. It seemed like we all felt the spirit because when I looked up I saw my husband in tears as well as my parents.
|
 |
The day kept moving along and I kept dilating and still no heavy contractions. I felt them but the best way to describe it were mild to sever period cramps. The day was going perfect, the room was calm and dimly lit, how I wanted. I had my family with me, supporting me and I felt in control.
I used different techniques to move the labor along such as the peanut ball and moving side to side. I remembered to breathe and by 5pm I was fully dilated 10cm.
At this point, things moved so quickly. The room was quiet Chase, my mom, nurse and OB were the only other people with me. It was time to push and I didn't realize how difficult this would be. Remember in the beginning of the story I told you food would come into play? That is because, when 5pm hit I hadn't ate anything in 24 hours. During my pregnancy, when I didn't eat, thats when I became so sick and this day was no different. I felt weak, hungry and tired and I was about to do the hardest thing of my life.
I pushed for almost 2 hours.
My mom held my head while Chase helped holding my legs and giving me words of encouragement. The hardest part for me was not having the urge to push. At every contraction I had to push the baby out. The OB suggested a mirror to be placed in front of me to motivate me by seeing the baby's head. However, this tool didn't help me and it was more discouraging. Everyone else could see him crowning and I couldn't really see the mirror. And I didn't want to look because I felt myself loosing focus.
I stayed so calm and relaxed during the entire time.
I remember pushing during a contraction and feeling every little pain. I remember the hunger and exhaustion. I remember seeing my mom and Chase helping me through. I remember thinking I couldn't do it.
|
 |
On September 20, 2019 in an instant I remember becoming a mom. I remember hearing Rory's sweet cry of new life and holding his warm body for the first time. I remember seeing his eyes for the first time and saying how much they reminded me of Chase's. He was so perfect, I fell madly in love right away. I couldn't stop crying from pure joy. I felt everything so deeply. His life leaving my body, my love for Chase grow, my pain leaving and starting anew. It was incredible.
|
 |
Much of the details are a blur. I know Chase cut his umbilical cord. I know I threw up from hunger right after, which I suspected might happen. I remember being stitched back up by my OB while Rory was being cleaned, weighed and measured. I remember still being hungry and I remember feeling so powerful.
 |
 |
They handed me Rory and I have never let go. I can't put into words all the emotions I felt finally holding our baby. He was real and healthy. We were so in love with this little human. A lifetime of wondering what our child would look like and he was here.
Once my OB stitched my tear, Rory was handed back to me. With the help of a nurse, I breastfed him right away. I was so surprised how natural it all felt. I didn't even feel in control, as if my body was navigating itself. I had no idea what I was doing, mentally but my body did.
Those moments were so sweet and passed by quickly. Before we were taken to a new room. Chase's parents stopped by and saved the day with Chick-fil-a. Rory got some shots and I walked to the bathroom to be given a lesson by a nurse on what to expect and do the first time I use the bathroom. There were so many steps to a simple trip to the bathroom. The pads, mesh underwear, and creams.
We moved into our new room, everything felt more relaxed there. I couldn't move much because I was still hooked to an IV and sore. But when I finally made it to the bathroom to use it for the first time, I can remember my body being so different. flappy, sore and exhausted.
Using the bathroom for the first time, hurts and no one is going to tell you because they don't want to scare you. I tore. I'm sure its different for a lot of people but for me, it was more painful than child birth or equally the same. Its all a blur. What I do remember is not having any control of my bladder. By the time I realized I had to use the restroom, it was too late. Between the peeing and continual bleeding plus pains and aches I was needing so much help myself. But these feelings are also so minuscule when you compare the reward. I felt amazing and so happy.
Rory was such a sleepy baby from the start. Which lucky for us meant we got to sleep even for a few moments.
Those days in the hospital while you and baby are monitored just overlap each-other. 72 hours feel like one continual day. The morning after having Rory. My brother and parents came back to the hospital to visit us for sometime.
I was able to shower, which was scary because I felt so fragile. Using the bathroom was a complete ordeal. Cleaning myself with the peri-bottle, derma-blast and lotions + pads, ice packs and mesh panties to complete the process.
While my parents were with us we managed to get some family pictures with Rory, which I am so grateful for. I actually put on a little makeup and brushed out my very tangled hair. I looked like a completely different person and felt so much better.
   |
 |
I remember being in the hospital bed, Rory to the left of me and Chase sleeping in the sofa to my right. How remarkable 9 months + 24 hours can make. Everything that day could have gone wrong. Rory could have been too small, but he wasn't, Rory could have ate his stool but didn't, He could have suffocated because the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck twice. But he was absolutely safe. I am so thankful to every nurse and medical worker but especially my OBGYN. She supported me and protected us through it all.
 |
